Watch Wear You Sit!

This morning I almost fell into the toilet. I'm not kidding. I got into the office, put my things down, and headed to the bathroom. As I got in the stall, I quickly turned around to shut the door and pull up my skirt.I didn't look where I was about to sit though, because the cleaning lady must have left the seat up. I sat quickly, fell backwards, feet went up, and I almost left with one wet tushy. Am I upset? Not in the least bit. It's good to know my rear even fits! I felt like a kid again.

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and Now I'm in Therapy"

Ok all you Christmas Carol Lovers - I've got a bone to pick with you.

Last weekend I was in the mall casually trying on clothes in a dressing room and humming along to a familiar song. "I .. Saw Mommy kissing...Saaaanta ..Claus underneath the mistle toe last night..." But just as I was getting into true Christmas spirit (quite a daunting task when I'm still wearing tank tops and frolicking amongst the palm trees) the song took a turn down raunchy lane. "I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus...," the song said, "...there must be some mistake, was I really awake? I rubbed my eyes and moved in close, a better look to take... then I saw Daddy hugging Santa Claus. He took his hand and pulled him to the couch. It must have been just fine. Santa didn't seem to mind. Then Daddy moved across the room to pour them both some wine..."

Oh and it gets worse. "I saw Mommy and Daddy kissing ... Santa Claus," it continued. "They were having a threesome in the hall. I surly was in awe. Watching their manage-a-trois. Will someone please get Santa Claus off my Ma and Pa?"

Yup- right there in the middle of a store. Well this kinky little song got me to thinking. The whole story is actually kinda messed up!!! No, not the kinky version (that's obvious), but the real version. This poor little kid sees his mother kissing his father ( dressed in a Santa suit) and naturally assumes that she's actually kissing Old Chris Cringle. Then, as the song says, the kid reacts by saying "What a laugh in would have been, if Daddy had only seen, Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night."

Well if you ask me, under most terms, his reaction was suspiciously calm. I mean, kids know that their mommies are only supposed to kiss their daddies and vise versa. So it would NOT be a "laugh" if Daddy were to walk in on some guy in a fat suit kissing his wife!! In fact, they could change the title of the song to "The Christmas Mommy Cheated On Daddy and Daddy Walked Out on Us... as in The WORST Christmas Ever."

I guess the writer of the "Kinky Song" just had it right in the first place. He's revealing the truth because clearly this household is messed up. The kid, as the song says, was supposed to be "Upstairs tucked in his bed fast asleep". So if the brat is upstairs then why is Daddy still gallivanting around in his Santa suit? It seems like Mommy and Daddy have some sort of weird kinda sexual Santa game going on. This would definitely explain the threesome with the neighbor dressed up as Old Saint Nick. No wonder the man is so jolly!!!

LA LA LAND ARCHIVE - FOX steals Reality 24/7's

Well, a year and a half later, I'm now working for the enemy!!!!!!!!!!!! But since, no matter what, you're on my side, you should check out www.realityremix.tv and see the website I've been working on for the show!!



Well It seems that my fans are screaming for their "LA updates" so I guess I need to get on it.

Things have been very crazy at Reality Central this week. The new name, by the way, is official - "Reality 24/7"

On Tuesday I got in to work 30 minutes late do to some horrendous traffic on the 10 West. Here I am thinking everyone is going to wonder where I am, but as I walk in the office I find Gordon sitting at his desk, and all the lights in the main office are out.

Now we aren't talking blackout-weird-man-in-the-corner sorta thing, but it was a bit odd. The office has a lot of windows, so the light comes in, but anyway, the point is, we usually have the lights on and they weren't, and Gordon was the only one there.

Apparently, as some of you may be hearing soon, FOX has announced the launch of its new "reality network" which obviously took us by surprise ( or at least me!!). Gordon was there to fill me in, and others were off taking care of things because the news broke just minutes before I got there.

No one around here seems to be too stressed about this situation because many of the other networks are up in arms about FOX and how they are stealing reality programming etc. Larry Namer (CEO and Head of Reality Central) had a meeting with us this morning, and he is very calm. He says it's one of those Lemons= Lemonade sorta things and that we'll be fine as long as we take action. SO, though I am a bit concerned, it seems as though things will iron out soon.

here are some articles if you care:
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0714realitytv-channels-ON.html

http://biz.yahoo.com/rc/040713/media_fox_reality_2.html

http://166.70.44.66/2004/Jul/07142004/wednesda/183372.asp

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,14504,00.html?tnews

and there are tons more where that came from - dahh geeze


The good news is that this event, in itself, has produced a lot of work for me. I am contacting stars - yup - on the phone!!! to sign them up for various events, etc that we will be doing. Karen (my boss) has given me so much responsibility and opportunities to shine. So the way I look at it, even if they can't offer me a job here now, I'll have good references and the position to get a job here once they do launch.

For those of you asking, "so what are you going to do?"
I am still not exactly sure yet.

Kate has been here this past week and we've had a blast visiting Santa Monica, getting sushi, and catching up. We plan to live together once she moves out here in September. I have a "dinner date" with her and her father (Producer of Frontline, and an awesome man in general!) tonight after my class so I plan to talk to her more about rooming, etc.

It looks like it may make sense for me to go to Charlotte for a few weeks and then get things rolling with a "move to LA date" around September 1st.

As for everything else, the roommates are good. Elesha is visiting next week - can't wait!! The weather here is wonderful.

Oh and I am now on the Reality Central website

go to realitycentral.com and click on fans
you can see my blogs, etc and feel free to comment back
its a fun time and a strait shot to fame!! - ha ha

Well I'm sure I've left out thing or two since I have gotten a bit behind on my emailing, but I'll be sure to write more soon.

Have a good one
Heather

LA LA LAND ARCHIVE - July 4th, 2004

This is the moment when I realized Sam was one unique guy!

I hope everyone had a great Fourth of July. Ours was fun and relaxing. We spent the day by the pool and then by the evening the whole area was transformed into a giant cookout party. Looky here, the party came to us. And why wouldn't it!!?? You should have seen Sam. He was dancing like a wild man. The kids love him because he throws and flips them in the pool, and the parents are probably thrilled to have someone willing to do so. At one point someone apparently went up to the host of the party and told her that Sam was a member of some dance studio, and so the story begins:

"Does everyone want to know why Sam has all these ladies dancing with him, and why Sam is such a great dancer?" the party hostess said over the mic. "Its because Sam dances at "such and such" studios in Hollywood." The crowd cheers as Dan and I look at each other with giant question marks on our faces. "He does WHAT!!??"
No, Sam does not dance at "such and such" studios, but a whole lot of people will be doing so soon thanks to his 'awesome' moves. Someone in that crowd sure knows how to get free advertising.
So then, in all good Payerle Party fun, I go up to the hostess and say "Let's get a Limbo Line started"
Apparently that translated into Mambo line because the next thing I know I am standing on the roof of our building watching Sam lead a giant Mambo line around the pool as we wait to watch the fire works go off. Sam was nicely rewarded later with a $20 gift certificate (I'm not sure for where), but it was for "keeping the party alive!"
The fireworks were amazing. We could see four different shows going on at once from the roof of our apartment! We watched as the fireworks descended into the the distance; the ones up close were huge and bright and we could look further and further into the distance as the other shows also went off. I loved it, but I must admit that I would be just as happy watching the Sky show in Charlotte (Lisa - wink, wink) because Charlotte really does do a beautiful job.
We grilled out which was great! I made a salad and Dan made some great hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone as well as some grilled corn on the cob (34 cents at Ralph's!!). I was thrilled to finally be able to say, "thanks Dad," as I returned all the "thanks moms" that Dan gives me on a regular basis.

Chris was in Pittsburgh for the weekend at a family gathering. It was rumored that Jimmy Buffet would be in attendance (his uncle knows people), but apparently Jimmy Buffet turned out to be just another Parrot Head who looked like the Margarittaville Man and was able to cover his songs. Oh well - I bet it was still fun.

Work is great. I'm about to go to a brainstorming meeting. Yesterday we all went to Jay Leno which was enjoyable. I hope everyone is doing well.

Love ya,
Heather

La La Land Archive - Pinks Hotdogs and Spiderman

Last night Sam, Dan, Chris and I went to see Spiderman. Before the movie we went to Pinks which is a very famous hot dog stand in Hollywood. No star sightings at Pinks oddly enough (apparently Stars are there all the time), but we did see the kid from Sandlot - the chubby one with the freckles- at the theater!!

Sam dressed up AS SPIDERMAN and hung out in the theater courtyard area. All the kids got the biggest kick out of him as he ran up the walls and did flips and stuff. Sam can do some pretty amazing tricks, and a huge group of people formed a giant circle around him to watch. At one point I had to go ask Sam where he had put our tickets, so I went up to him and started talking and then I looked around and realize that EVERYONE's eyes were on us. Who knows who they thought I was.

The movie was amazing. I love it. I love it. I love it.


Tonight we start classes. Not looking forward to that one, but they are at Disney so that should be cool. Email soon!!

Heather