"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and Now I'm in Therapy"

Ok all you Christmas Carol Lovers - I've got a bone to pick with you.

Last weekend I was in the mall casually trying on clothes in a dressing room and humming along to a familiar song. "I .. Saw Mommy kissing...Saaaanta ..Claus underneath the mistle toe last night..." But just as I was getting into true Christmas spirit (quite a daunting task when I'm still wearing tank tops and frolicking amongst the palm trees) the song took a turn down raunchy lane. "I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus...," the song said, "...there must be some mistake, was I really awake? I rubbed my eyes and moved in close, a better look to take... then I saw Daddy hugging Santa Claus. He took his hand and pulled him to the couch. It must have been just fine. Santa didn't seem to mind. Then Daddy moved across the room to pour them both some wine..."

Oh and it gets worse. "I saw Mommy and Daddy kissing ... Santa Claus," it continued. "They were having a threesome in the hall. I surly was in awe. Watching their manage-a-trois. Will someone please get Santa Claus off my Ma and Pa?"

Yup- right there in the middle of a store. Well this kinky little song got me to thinking. The whole story is actually kinda messed up!!! No, not the kinky version (that's obvious), but the real version. This poor little kid sees his mother kissing his father ( dressed in a Santa suit) and naturally assumes that she's actually kissing Old Chris Cringle. Then, as the song says, the kid reacts by saying "What a laugh in would have been, if Daddy had only seen, Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night."

Well if you ask me, under most terms, his reaction was suspiciously calm. I mean, kids know that their mommies are only supposed to kiss their daddies and vise versa. So it would NOT be a "laugh" if Daddy were to walk in on some guy in a fat suit kissing his wife!! In fact, they could change the title of the song to "The Christmas Mommy Cheated On Daddy and Daddy Walked Out on Us... as in The WORST Christmas Ever."

I guess the writer of the "Kinky Song" just had it right in the first place. He's revealing the truth because clearly this household is messed up. The kid, as the song says, was supposed to be "Upstairs tucked in his bed fast asleep". So if the brat is upstairs then why is Daddy still gallivanting around in his Santa suit? It seems like Mommy and Daddy have some sort of weird kinda sexual Santa game going on. This would definitely explain the threesome with the neighbor dressed up as Old Saint Nick. No wonder the man is so jolly!!!