My Monthly Dose of Birth Control

Every now and then I take on a challenging babysitting job. While the extra money in the pocket is an excellent perk, a babysitting job is a great little reminder that I'm not ready to have children.

This weekend, a young couple from Tampa Florida paid me to watch their three-year-old. For a couple hundred bucks I was to watch little Makayla from 10pm on Friday night until 9am Sunday morning, a task that didn't seem too difficult at all. Surly she'd be sleeping half that time and I could fill the rest with a walk to the park, a video, a few games, and mealtimes.

After spending the evening at "Howl at the Moon", a fun little piano bar in Universal City, Seton and I headed back to my apartment in time for the arrival of our new "bundle of joy." Makayla was half-asleep when she arrived; Seton, not surprisingly, was already fully asleep on the couch on the porch.

Makayla's mother helped me get her into her PJ's and up into my bed. She quickly fell asleep after a few kisses from her mother and the sound of her plastic music box playing on my desk. It was 10:30 as her parents left, and as I shut the door a daunting thought crossed my mind, "What if they don't come back?" I mean LA is a pretty crazy place, and the $100 dollars they'd paid me up-front is a small price to pay to have someone take a kid off your hands!!

I resolved that Makayla was simply too cute for anyone to want to leave her and my thoughts were confirmed the next day when she woke up. She barley cried. She simply told me, "I'm ready to get up now." So we headed downstairs for Breakfast and the viewing of the "Heffelump Movie". Seton was already awake, and watching the two of them get acquainted was like watching something out of the discovery channel. He'd look at her, she'd hide her eyes, she'd look at him, he'd make a weird face and then he'd mumble something about never wanting to have children. How endearing.

She finished her cereal and quickly announced the first words since getting up, "Gowww Potttiiee!"

She insisted, however, that we use the potty on the second floor even though the one downstairs was much more convenient. We traveled up the stairs and potty time went quite smoothly. We returned downstairs, step by step, and we were only downstairs for a few minutes before she announced again, "Gooowwww Pottieeeee" (it sounds more like "big party" when she says it though).

So in fear of a wet floor, I walked with her upstairs - step by step. She didn't go to the bathroom, but we went through the whole process - washing hands and all, and headed back down the stairs - step by step. After her third announcement of "Gowwwww Pottieeee", it became apparent to me that this child must have been stair-deprived. She apparently enjoyed going up and down the stairs so much that she was forced to fake the need to go to the potty. Unfortunately for us, she was good at faking it complete with butt in the air, holding the croch, and moving around practically in tears ..."Gowwwww Pottieeee".

"Why don't you make her sit until she goes," Seton suggested as we both kinda watched her do the potty dance.

"I already did," I returned, "Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't"

Seton found it the perfect time to exit the premises and return to his apartment for a shower, and thus began my attempt at distraction. "Let's play a game...Let's go on the porch...let's play the piano....let's read a book".... I suggested anything to keep her mind off the very entertaining staircase. Then she began a new obsession.

"Where Seeeton go?" she'd ask

Funny how she wasn't a huge fan when he was around.

"Where Seeeeton go?"

"He went to his house," I answered "We'll see him after we go to the park"

She was very excited about going to the park.

"Pawwwk?" "Pawwwwkkkkk???"

During the child-paced walk to the park, I learned a lot about this unique three-year old. First of all, she says hello to everyone! She's also very polite. When she tripped on the sidewalk she said sorry! She never cried even during the whole long walk around the park and then all the way to the grocery store. In the grocery store, I learned about her "Dora The Explorer" obsession as she managed to find EVERYTHING in the store that had Dora on it. A balloon, some drinks, and even a can of soup which she insisted on.

"Darnit, why don't they make mac and cheese with Dora on it" I'm thinking to myself as she's saying "Dora soup, Dora soup" over and over again.

Then we walk all the way back to the apartment, groceries in hand . Of course this is when she starts to get tired, so here I am trying to carry an arm full of groceries and a 35 lb kid across Vineland. And when we get to the stairs she's ready to walk again as we go up step - by step.

Lunchtime was fun. As I expected, she wanted nothing to do with the Dora Soup. "Jelly" she said as I made her a PB and J and prayed that she wasn't one of those kids that demanded the crust off. She wasn't - thankfully.

Seton returned from his day of hunting for good tire deals. We realized we'd have to go for a little car ride with Makayla so that he could drop of his car. The whole time I'm driving she's saying "Where Seton?" "Where Seton Go?" But when he finally got into our car she said nothing to him. In fact, she didn't really even like it when he attempted to help buckle her into her seat.

We had some time to kill while the tires were being repaired so we drove to Smart and Final to pick up a few things. As soon as we get into the store - you guessed it " Gowwwwww Pottttieeeeee!"

I searched for a restroom while Seton paid, and it was a good thing b/c this time she really had to go!
Then, as we walked out to the car, the two of us carrying our bags and Makayla trailing behind, Seton again announced, "ugh- I don't think I want children."

We loaded the bags and he helped her up into her seat, buckled her in, and handed her her Dora Doll and her juice.

Then we went to blockbuster- an interesting experience in itself.

"I guess we have to get something sheeee can watch" Seton said as we walked into the store.

"Um, no", I responded "That's one great thing about kids - they have early bedtimes."

Seton's eyes lit up.

We walked around the store only to find a new, interesting and odd thing about this child. Every time she pointed at a movie, it was something with a horribly scary cover. We're talking incredibly scary. She'd point and say, "disss" and then smile. It was really weird.

It was cute to watch her pick up a movie and run over to Seton and say, "ooouk Seton, ook!"

He'd smile at her and look at me with an "oh my god she just brought me "The Bride of Chucky" face and then she'd run off giggling and grab another movie.

We finally picked out a movie and headed back to the car. She wasn't thrilled about being put back in her seat to which Seton proclaimed, "Just put her in, geeze" - such patience.

We picked up the car and she fell asleep on the ride home. I have to admit it was pretty cute to see her sleeping there in the back. Of course she woke up when Seton sat next to her on the couch once we got home. For someone who doesn't want children, he sure looked like he was having fun "flirting" with her on the couch. It made it really easy on me, though, because he apparently was great entertainment as she laughed and giggled at him. Then he started in with the twizzlers to which he informed me, "she won't eat it unless it's in really small pieces." So he sat there and broke them up for her. "She's such a princess," he said.

I soon put her to bed, and as I closed the door to my room I realized my "birth control" was only half effective. I mean I don't want children now, but they aren't all that bad.